I've been hearing about Spanx for the last couple of years. If you don't know what Spanx are, let me tell you…it's "shape-wear", which is a fancy new name for girdle. There's full on pantyhose, body slimers, and something called a power panty. Supposedly, they're a wonder of science that hides, smoothes, and keeps everything where it should be…or at least where you want it.
Well, Mama and I went to Lane Bryant this weekend and I was thinking about getting some and when I saw the sales girl, who's a fair bit bigger than I am, demonstrate how wonderful they work by folding down her "Higher Power" and showing, almost proudly, how much she had slipped into it…I was on deck. She assured me that they won't bunch up or roll down. So I tossed the package on the counter with my other purchases (2 bags of bras that Mama has assured me really isn't that many when you consider that one side could served as a serving bowl...thanks Mama!) and took everything home.
When I got home I was ready to be wowed and I was everything but. I decided that I'd gotten the wrong size so I took them back yesterday and got the size smaller. I tried on the new ones and realized something. Even though the girl at Lane Bryant told and showed me with wonders of Spanx, what she didn't tell me was the effort that would go into getting them on! If you're 5 pounds over or want to look smooth under a snug blouse, great. But if you've got the ample figure that the women these kinds of things are marketed to, there should be a warning on the package: Please do not attempt until you've gone into some kind of training, have a breathing apparatus handy or you are a professional wrestler! I worked up a sweat getting it on. However, it was well worth it. Mission accomplished. That settled it, Monday would be a wear your Spanx to work day.
Well, I woke up and picked out my outfit for the day and remembering what I went through last night, when I started to get I coated myself in baby powder knowing this would make it easier, and it did, but only a little. But that was ok. I'm just shallow enough for it to be well worth the aggravation to look a little better. I'm a healthy girl, everyone knows that, and I don't look like I'm 4 sizes smaller, but definitely an improvement. However, what I didn't factor in was, how can I put this delicately? Ok, never mind, I can't. I didn't think about having to go to the bathroom with this thing on. I figured after a couple or three hours, it'd be easier to maneuver. Well, I'm sure that in my 35 years, I've been more wrong but sitting here right now, at this moment in time, I cannot remember when. I decided this morning that even thought I like the look, Spanx would not be part of my everyday attire, I'm just too lazy and the benefits don't outweigh that. I will keep them around for special occasions…occasions where want something to fit better, not show off certain attributes…when I don't drink so much.
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