WOW….I’m 38! I’m the same age Mama was when my niece Kayleigh was born. That bakes my noodle. I’m not freaking out about it, it just seems strange. Unlike a lot of folks my age, I never thought of someone in their late 30s/early 40s as old. Even when I was a kid I just didn’t think that was old. My Granny was 62 when I was born so I guess spending so much time with her, the Sisters, and their cousins, I thought that to be considered “old” you had to be 75+. I’ve never dreaded getting older, turning 30 didn’t send me over the edge and honestly I’m looking forward to getting older, again, because of the women in my family. The Old Ladies, Mama, The Aunts, as saucy, spicy, sweet, fun and wise as they’ve been my whole life, they’ve only gotten more so as they’ve gotten older. My uncle once described the women in the family as a force of nature. If I grow into half of the woman any of them are....I'll be lucky.
Something else I love about getting older is the way I look. I’ve always been told how much I look like my Daddy, my Aunt Donna, their mother, and that’s not a bad – they’re good looking folks (I hope that didn’t sound as cocky as I think). But I’ve never spent a lot of time with that part of my family. I’m not sure if this is gonna come out right, but it kinda sucks when the family that you identify with, that you spend your time around isn’t the part of your family you actually look like. Does that make sense? Yeah, Mama’s always said when I get really mad I look like Aunt Annie & when I get really tickled, I look like Aunt Jo but I’d like to see it sometime other than extreme emotional moment LOL. In the last couple of years I, and others, have started seeing “the family” in me. Not just the way I act, but how I actually look.
One of the perks of getting older is that even though I care what people think about me & the choices I make, it doesn’t carry as much weight as it used to when I’m making those choices. No, I don’t throw all caution to the wind and do whatever I please, consequences be damned, but I have two hard and fast rules; If I do_____1) Will it land me in jail? 2) Will it embarrass my family? If the answer is no, I may just give it a shot. I keep going back to the lyrics of the Trisha Yearwood song "Real Live Woman" “…I no longer justify/Reasons for the way that I behave/I offer no apologies/For the things that I believe and say/And I like it that way.”. I was never consciously a rebel and I didn't go out of my way to be different, but I've never felt the need to "fit in". If I wanted to dye my hair orange, I did it. If I wanted to wear fishnets, bigtime make up, and heels one day then a t-shirt, sweats, sneakers, a ponytail and nothing on my face but Oil of Olay the next, I did it. But I'm more comfortable in my own skin now than I was when I turned 30.
Inspired by an Ally McBeal rerun, the last few years I’ve picked a theme song for the year but this year I was having a hard time finding one. I couldn’t find a song that hit me or felt right. I thought, “Ok this year I just won’t have a song.” I’m fine with change. But in the shower last night, hair all soapy, a song came on and I knew that was it! The song? “F*^$#n Perfect” by Pink (Yes, I know I’m 38, but I just don’t like “the F word”….sue me).
So why this song? Well for one, I love Pink. She’s honest, straight forward about pretty much everything, she doesn’t apologize for who she is, what she does or how she feels & I think she’s a great role model for young girls. Second, I’ve been kinda kicking myself the last several months because I fell off the exercise wagon & I’ve put back on about 15 pounds that I had lost (that’s a whole ‘nother post) and I’ve been trying to re-energize, refocus myself and remind that chick in the mirror that it doesn’t matter how may time I sleep in, fall down, or screw up, as long as I get up and take another swing. This song says everything I’ve been telling myself. I downloaded it last night from Amazon and played it all the way into work with the windows down. I'm sure the folks who drove down HWY 98 thought I was nuts but I don't think it's possible for me to care less about that.
Here’s the lyrics and a link to the song http://mysp.ac/fljMFt
F**kin' Perfect (Perfect)Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect..
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing,
you are perfect to me!
You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same
Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing,
you are perfect to me
The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in lime, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
Why do I do that..?
Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're perfect to me...
Pink is on Twitter @Pink and she's amazing. If you love the song, give her a shout & let her know!
